I relate to the diary dilemma. Especially when you feel the pull of change right as you are living your life, when some of your diary friends are Christians and a number of them are not. But eventually, you have to just live out who you are right on the page, and I'm glad you have made that commitment, Eli. In this piece of writing, you put your heart on the page, and I'm really encouraged to see the growth taking place in your life. It's wonderful. Keep going.

  Eli,
I suspect you may one day find yourself living off something much greater than modest means; just because of the attitude you have that will make it a good thing for you--and the others you will help because of it. You've got the right focus, so the blessings may well be heading your way my young friend. I look forward to hearing how they flow.....
  Good luck with the basketball, and make sure you don't get more than just a bump or scrape out there. Have fun Eli, I know I still enjoy shooting hoops myself, too. See you around, Michael.

I love to make outlines for my classes.  I'm weird, I know.  But that is what I suggest.  Also make sure to do all the end of the section/chapter quizzes because those can be very helpful. 

I'm not much help but that's all I got.

Last exam, I prepared very well and wrote everything out a millionfold. When I was just a student (rather than a mature student) I was a last minute crammer. Last minute means about a week before.  That last minute cramming got me an A in classical studies. I am desperately hoping the night-before approach to my last exam might have bought me a pass, but then again, this time around I just wasn't ready.

Stranger things have happened. Maybe you could get your five minutes of fame, video blogging from your cosy little flat. My place is a bit of a matchbox too. People come in and look around for stairs. I can see their brains ticking over. It's almost amusing.

I am not voting either.  I agree with you, I don't want my vote to come down to the lesser of two evils.  I have also watched the debates and followed the news.  I do know that I don't like Obama.  He is shady.  I don't like McCain.  He is a flake. 

I think you should be president ok?

i dont think war was a smart choice at all. the us economy and power is going down the drain. we r heading another depression at full speed because of that. and the worst is it affects so many other countries... just for one stupid man.

soon we will all be speaking chinese! lol

I try to fool myself in that way as well.

And yes, THAT Dinosaurs :-)

I have admiration for your mother's commitment to your children. It is this kind of mother I hope to be and feel I often fall short, although I think this is also part of the process, the journey. Being a mother is a wonderful gift and perhaps the ultimate goal is to raise our children to be happy, confident people who we hope will want to spend time with us "just because" when they eventually leave home. You may live far away from your mom but you can appreciate her from a distance by doing the little things that show you care, a letter, a phone call, an email, you know what I mean.

[Travellerme]

I don't think enough people realize that he helps us help ourselves.

I know, perish the thought that we actually have to do something!

[xstarlesseyes]

Oh no you don't like Obama?  Well didn't you hear?  That means your a racist. Ha.  Yeah.  I really don't like either candidate...and I don't want to vote.  I really don't.  Maybe I'll just go and write in Mickey Mouse or something so I can at least say I voted haha.  

And yeah...I don't like how conservatives are viewed at all.  "You have morales?  lolz omgz u r a loser." Yeah.

  Sorry to hear that the system has taken the shine away from your voting my friend. I've been doing it for awhile now, and I've learned to just plug my nose and do it anyway..........

  Also, whenever you touch on this type of subject I think the shorter the better....wise move.

I think I've managed to convince myself that some people in my life will never change, but there's always this optimistic part of me that says they'll see differently some day... Maybe they'll start their circle... But I think I've stopped relying on them and modified my own by chosing to change to not caring if they change (because I felt like changing).

I hope that makes sense.

Point is - I agree. People control their actions.

I like your thinking.

That is all,

[Thinkingthoughts]

So true.

I love to read your diary because you're so wise.

Keep writing,

-Jax

Ahaha, I hate all the "I'm so in love" diaries

but I stand accused

cause that's all mine is.

Ohwell :P

Eli! I have been wondering what has become of you! i didn't know you started a new diary! Are you ever going to write in the other?

I read what you wrote to Nic this morning and I was so moved and humbled and just thrilled that  Our Lord has taught you in 19 - almost 20 short years, what I've taken 27 years to learn.

 I think of you Eli, as a man after Gods' own heart; just as King David was and I am pleased and proud that you are my friend.

Love to you and Tasjm, always.

Emmi xx

Aww..

I like that song. It's catchy.

Thanks for you comment

-Jax

  I believe that passage talking about the narrow vs. wide gate is one of the most underutilized messages that Christ delivered for us. I am afraid that none of us really want to know how few of us will find ourselves walking along the narrow path, because it's a lot more comforting to believe that the majority of 'professing' believers are all walking that path together.
  Thanks for a powerful message today Eli...it's always good to hear one. Hope you have a good weekend coming before school kicks off again, unless you're already going?
  I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the book, and I'm glad you got them. Take care my young friend, and I'll see you this winter if the Lord is willing..........

  Your brother and friend forever, Michael.

I SO agree with this whole entry, Eli!  Particularly the bit about ....believing the christian culture, instead of the Bible!!!" Infact, Many christians, take a kind of Pride in NOT having read the Bible, yet being better christians despite that!!!

I met an entire study group, with the teacher of the group gathering information from all over the place, never once, referring to the  Bible. They couldn't accept my correction of their weird interpetation of a particular scripture; coming from some other book in the Bible; they insisted on believing something that sounded remarkably like a scene from Xena, Warrior Princess - so I had to leave. The Spirit of the Lord had asked me to give correction, and I did.

I'm so glad to be away from those strange people!!

Emmi

Life is crazy like this. Amazing at times, horrible at others.

-Jax

This is an awesome entry, Eli. Honest, objective without being cruel and incredibly true, (particularly concerning the "whining,) when things aren't fair.... and I suspect it applies to all the "westerised," nations.

 I think we've had it TOO good for TOO long, at the expense of the nations who have REAL problems, like finding food to eat etc......

Look forward to reading more from this new diary. Love to you and Tasj! 

Emmi xx

This entry is so very true.

Keep writing,

Jax

I thought I commented on this!!  How have I not??  I don't know.  BUT just know that I definantly had every intention on doing it (and still think MDD is cruel and likes to delete well thought out entries and comments).

First of all, I really understand what you are going through.  I am soooo close to finally being enrolled in college and I'm so so excited.  I'm finally getting that feeling like maybe my life isn't going down the tubes.  I am with you on your happy feelings.  Yay! 

And yeah...I know it takes awhile to change.  And I expect that.  I don't want a quick change because that is only a temporary solution.  He has gotten better (since before I wrote those entries and after).  Of course, there is much room for improvement...but I think our communication skills are getting much better and he is starting to listen to what I have to say instead of just waiting for his turn to speak.  So I have faith.

Thank you for your nice comment.  It means a lot to me to know you actually care. :-)

"Sometimes I write entries in my head long before I'm anywhere near my laptop" I do this a lot too and then never end up writing what I had in my head. If that makes sense...

This is a nice entry. It's good to have a plan.

Take care of yourself,

Jax

Ok. I have a feeling I'm going to have a lot to say. Deep breath...

This is something I encourage you to sort out now. Now while you are still the younger side of the "still young".  Because I can tell you with total honesty that I still struggle with this. There is nothing worse than feeling a certain mediocrity. There is some quote or other about mediocrity, I forget it, but you know, when you feel inside as though you are somehow not good enough it pervades much of your being.

I suspect, this has something to do with your past (just as I think my feelings do mine) because when you are made to feel in some way worthless or not good enough, or not validated and accepted just for being the "you" that you are, it has far reaching consequences.

The world would have us conform to some kind of hierarchy, where we have to attain certain goals and be part of a certain set, or have a certain kind of job/husband/wife etc etc. It puts a lot of pressure on people to fit in. Lately I have been reminding myself that there is a place for everybody in this life. Every person has their space, their talents, their place. If there was nobody to collect the rubbish, clean the toilets, fumigate the rats right the way through to managing the country, being head of the big banks etc etc, we couldn't function in society. In every class there is going to be the super high achievers and those who just scrape through, along with people who seem to constantly happy-middle.

The tough bit is remembering when the world is making you feel like you have nothing of value to offer, that God thinks you have amazing value. Jesus died on the cross for you and that is very personal. There is nothing mediocre about that. Through our own achievements and attainments we are still really nothing without God's love and sacrifice.

In your own personal life I encourage you to set goals. Look at what it is you hope for, what you might like to achieve and note the steps you must take to get there. Everything is a journey and nothing happens overnight but the main thing is to plant your feet and take the beginning steps. Plus, praying for guidance and an open heart to put yourself where the Lord would have you be. I can tell you with total honesty that as soon as you started writing, I have always felt that God will bless you, Eli and take you places. Even as I write that I feel the confirmation in my spirit that if you lean on God you will be ok.

I somehow knew my comment was going to well exceed the word count of your entry, but I guess that's just me. Too much to say.

Hi Eli,

My email; - emmirene@gmail.com

Eli,  You and Tasj are so wonderful! It has been an honour to read, listen to, watch your friendship grow and blossom into romance; and over the next year or two I've no doubt that it will grow into a deep and abiding love.

Don't knock being young, Eli! Dream your dreams and seek a vision for your life together. ( Gods' promise is 'Seeing Is Believing,' so Push in on God for that vision, because once you see your future, then your Faith will have something to hang on to when the rough times come. Don't look at what you don't have; Man! The world is your oyster! ( I'm not talking about "this world" as referred to in scripture; but the 'new world' that is Gods' promise to those of us who love and obey Him. )

Sorry I've started commenting yet you haven't even asked me a question yet; I just want you and Tasj to know that I have such Hope for your relationship. You will both have to "Fight" for it - and the most precious things are always the ones that we've had to fight for. I don't mean that you'll have to fight your families though, NO!  Usually, it's feelings of depression, worthlessness, feeling like - "this is never going to happen" - in your mind you could possibly start blaming others for your dreams NOT happening fast enough!  All kinds of thoughts and feelings to fight against. I tell you Eli, it's out and out WAR, and you WILL be able to FIGHT if you have this God-given vision, based solidly On His Word!! I'm back here again at the computer next Monday, (Sunday for you ) - all morning, so do send that email.

Love you both, Heaps!!

Emmi

As you should know, I can relate lol.  Ugh I think we share a brain sometimes.

Thank you for your comments. I thought you may have been around for a while given the way you ended it. But I thought I'd say welcome anyway... just in case.

I just reread my first entry... it makes me cringe haha.

It's nice to meet you too.

Jax  

Hi! Are you new to MDD? If so... welcome! I get like this a lot too. I hope that it passes soon.

Take care of yourself,

Jax